If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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