hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
