Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
