I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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