last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
