Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
