Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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