So drunk, too bad you don't want this
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I look better un-naked...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize