I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
