Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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