I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
