So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
