remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You are the jesus of drinking
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
