her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
