im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
