i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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