I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
