people are starting to question the shark bite story
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
