Apparently you make a good broom.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
