Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
