If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
