Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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