i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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