Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
