if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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