We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
