ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
