I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize