I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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