The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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