Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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