it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize