don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
