me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
