I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
