Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My ass is underappreciated
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
