I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
