Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
