dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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