oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
