Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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