Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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