Ambien. No doubt about it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
