You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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