hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
