I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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