I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
