I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
