What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
