oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
