my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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