Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
