Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
