the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize