I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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