My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm too high and old for this...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
