there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
