While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
