do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
