So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
