Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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