I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
