guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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