Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
