I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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