There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
