Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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